Bedtime Part I

When Michael was younger, getting him to sleep at night could sometimes be a struggle. Okay, that is a bit of an understatement. But that is what I am going with. At any rate, back then I found myself sleep-deprived and speaking with other parents about my bedtime woes, and even logging into parenting chat rooms in the middle of the night (seriously, I'm embarassed). I confirmed that many children have difficulty settling down to sleep and I also concluded (reluctantly) that the image I had created in my head was not particularly close to reality. The picture I had in my mind was little Michael yawning as he stretched his arms over his head, declaring, "I'm sleepy," then nestling down in his blankets with his tiny hands curled beneath his sweet chin as he drifted off to an untroubled sleep.

I found that some parents (smugly) stated that their children slept great. And further, their children had always slept great. Even as newborns. Eight or nine hours - right through the night. Were these parents trying to assert the superiority of their parenting skills or imply that their children were better than everyone else's or just trying to make everyone else feel bad? I wasn't sure, but I was too tired to give it any serious consideration.

After confirming that Michael was not the only child who didn't welcome bedtime, I started to check to see what "the books" had to say about the sleep issue. At that time I had a number of parenting and child development books, many of which I was given as gifts and never looked at. However, there were a few I would turn to for information. One was a book that espoused an Attachment Parenting approach. This approach made sense to me, but I found that I couldn't live up to the expectations, so reading this book was both good and bad for me. I also had a book given to me from the hospital where Michael was born that was surprisingly useful. And I had the American Pediatric Association's Birth through Age Five text. All of these books took the position that most issues with bedtime struggles would be solved by the establishment of a soothing bedtime ritual. This bedtime ritual would be a panacea, solving any number of sleep-related problems. And so, after a brief discussion, we started a bedtime ritual. The ritual consisted of bath, followed by the reading of three stories, then songs and then to sleep. Problem solved. And so it seemed to be. At first. But where one problem is eradicated, sometimes another (unforeseem) problem arises to take its place.

It started quite innocently. Michael would ask for chapstick. And then every night he would need chapstick. One night he was worried about monsters. So we checked his room for monsters. And then we had to check his room for monsters every night. Little by little the bedtime routine expanded. And it wasn't just that it expanded. It had to be followed EXACTLY. A deviation in even the smallest word was unacceptable. After a few months, the routine had evolved into the following (which would be said, word for word, by parent and child, every night):

After bath and stories, Michael gets into bed and arranges his covers and animals.

Me (or Dad): "Song number one?"
Michael: "Tick Tock"
Hickory Dickory Dock is sung while I search his room for monsters (behind curtains and in closet).
Parent: "It..."
Michael: "It takes one song to check for half of the monsters."
Parent: "Song number two?"
Michael: "Oh Where Oh Where has my Little Dog Gone."
The song is sung while the rest of the room is checked for monsters (under dresser, bed).
Parent: "Everything is safe. Song number three?"
The answer to this depends on who is singing - if mom, the song is Frere Jacque, if dad, the song is Down in the River to Pray.
That song is sung and then Michael is given a hug and kiss.
Parent: "Would you like any lipstuff?"
Michael: "Yes."
The chapstick is applied and put away.
Michael: "Did you want some and did you get some?"
Parent: "Yes and yes. I’m ready for the million infinity promise."
Michael: "Do you promise me one million infinity infinity times that there is nothing to be afraid of?"
Parent: "Yes."
Michael: "And you promise me that there are no monsters?"
Parent: "Yes, I promise. Good night, sleep tight, dream of bedbugs tonight. Sweet dreams. I
love you. Good night."
Michael: "Good night, sleep tight, dream of bedbugs tonight. Sweet dreams. I love you. Good night."
Parent: "I’m ready for three."
Michael: "Good night and I love you. Good night."
Parent: "That’s one."
Michael: "Good night and I love you. Good night."
Parent: "That’s two."
Michael: "Good night and I love you. Good night."
Parent: "That’s three."
Michael: "Can I tell you two more things?"
Parent: "Yes you may."
Michael: "Good night and I love you. Good night."
Parent: "That’s one."
Michael: "Good night and I love you. Good night."
Parent: "That’s two."
Michael: "I’ll try to be quiet so Spencer can stop talking all through the night. I love you. Goodbye and good night. I promise you I think that’s all. I don’t promise you that is all. I promise you I think that’s all. Do you understand?"
Parent: "I understand."
Michael: "Can I tell you what time it is?"
Parent: "Yes."
Michael: "It’s 8:00 on my clock and 8:02 on my watch. And you know the Dadda thing
right?"
Parent: "Yes."
Michael: "And you’ll tell him right when you get downstairs right?"
Parent: "Yes."
Michael: "and you promise?"
Parent: "I promise."

Fall Update

Fall is here and we are enjoying the pleasant weather. School is going well for both boys. Michael continues to lose his baby teeth. He just lost his seventh tooth. The tooth fairy left him one dollar. Spencer commented that Ellie, a girl in his kindergarten classroom, got three dollars for her tooth and it seems strange that the tooth fairy leaves different amounts for different kids. However, the inequalities of that situation were of lesser concern to him than the fact that he hasn't lost ANY teeth and is therefore not getting any money. Very unfair. And by the way, what is allowance?

Speaking of Spencer and girls, after school yesterday, unpacking his backpack, he pulled out a drawing. He stated very matter-of-factly, "Chianni drew this for me. She loves me. I don't love her though." The picture has hearts and Spencer's name. It is very sweet. In addition, at a kindergarten event at his school, the mothers of two girls sought me out to tell me how much their little girls, Heidi and Helena, each enjoy playing with Spencer. Incidentally, Spencer has been invited to Helena's birthday party, which is this weekend. He is very excited about going, so I have concluded that he enjoys playing with her as well. Early one morning last week when I dropped Spencer off at school, Lucy's mom told me that Lucy made a sign for her bedroom door that reads "NO BOYS ALLOWED, EXCEPT SPENCER AND CAL". Lastly, after school last week while playing on the playground, Patrick was speaking with a mother he knew, her little girl came up to Patrick and announced, "Spencer gives me lots of kisses." When Patrick relayed this story to me, I assumed the little girl would be Heidi or Helena, or maybe Lucy or Ellie. No, it was Charlie. Spencer had never mentioned Charlie before. We asked him if he had kissed any other girls. He only answered, "maybe yes, may no." So cagey.

Michael and Spencer continue to update and upgrade their "offices." In addition, they assigned secret names to each of the offices. Unfortunately, they only told me one of the secret names. It was "BCO." Michael did not want Spencer to tell me what the initials stood for, because, well, um, it's secret. Good point. On the other hand, Spencer believes that I can be trusted. Another good point. Spencer told me that "B" stood for "big" and that "O" stood for "office." He did not tell me what the "C" stood for as, apparently, I cannot be trusted completely. However, neither boy seemed disappointed when I deciphered that the "C" stood for "closet" and that the "big closet office" must refer to Spencer's office, as it is in the bigger closet. Soon after the code was cracked, the boys decided to move both of the offices into Spencer's spacious double closet (aka the BCO). Their makeshift desks have greatly improved. Truthfully, it would have taken almost no effort to improve upon their previous desks, cleared out spaces on the closet floor, but the desks do actually resemble desks now. Spencer is sitting on a stepstool and has game boxes piled one on top of another to form his desk. Michael is sitting in a little rocking chair with a shelf as his desk. Although I think it is incredibly sweet that they sit in the closet and work at the desks that they made themselves, I think it is time that I look for actual desks for them now.